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Kurome Strass

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1 Kurome Strass on Wed Mar 11, 2015 5:43 pm

Name: Kurome Strass
Epithet: The Noble Silver Lion
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Sexuality: HeteroSexual

Affiliation: Marine
Occupation: Monk // Paladin


Appearance: Kurome is an elegant man with elegant tastes. He can almost always be seen in some sort of formal attire covering his relatively average frame. He stands at 5'10 and weighs around 156lbs. He tends to wear a pair of gloves each one with the marine emblem.
Hair Color: Silver
Eye Color: Grey
Skin Tone: Pale White
Height: 5'10
Weight: 156lbs
Tattoo: On Kurome's back he has a tattoo of a greyhound.

Personality: If Kurome could describe himself in one word, it would be elegant or maybe sophisticated. He is a pretty uptight person when he speaks and he is a bit OCD when it comes to the appearance things around him. He is very perceptive when it comes to things being out of place. He hates dirty and unkempt things which makes it hard for him to get along with others especially if they have a naturally unappealing appearance. He has habit of pointing out even the smallest flaw in one's appearance.

Though once you get past that, he is kind and considerate person who is always willing to give his opinion on a subject. No matter how blunt and crass he maybe he's actually a kind hearted boy who deeply cares for his family and friends and was willing to dub himself as a traitor to protect them. Kurome is a believer in what he dubs as "Equal Justice." This style of justice could be less severe version of Absolute justice. Those who believe in Equal Justice will put forth the same effort in the capture of high profile pirates that they will for lower class criminals. One can consider it on par with Dark Justice in its application but more lax in execution.

On that note Kurome unlike his father, he doesn't understand women or how exactly to speak or act around him. The only advice he ever received about them came from his father, he is meant to have a double standard when it comes to women. Rather then pointing at every little flaw as obviously and harshly as possible, he attempts to be subtle with it but he will fix something if it bothers him enough. Which usually either comes off as him being a pervert, no matter how pure his intention originally was. Sadly he is also horribly dense when it comes to women and their own feelings, causing him to do whatever he pleases; With whomever he pleases.

Kurome has quite a few hobbies, he likes to play the violin, read novels, and drink wine/coffee/tea in the dawn or dusk. He also has quite a few unexpected and could be considered womanly hobbies such as cooking, housekeeping, sewing, knitting.

Likes:
Drinking
Cooking
Sewing
Reading
Training
Lolis
Violins
Dislikes:
Disorder
Liars
Pirates
Law breakers
Random Glomps
Motivations:
To eliminate the corruption among nobles
Become a powerful marine
Capturing 100 pirates
Fears:
Losing a comrade
Spiders
Random Bear Attacks
Okamas
Impel Down
Inner Lineage:

Name:Ancestral Force
Description: This comes from the lineage of a true nobleman of the Strass family. Within a lineage lacking physical strength, the family survived with their strong will. Those with the Ancestral Force lineage are literally haunted by the spirits of their ancestors. These astral beings follow the holder and provide insight on life and will help them whenever they can.
Effect: Similar to Might of the Wraith, the user can summon two non-physical ancestral spirits to watch around the user (around 30 meters at most) Twice per thread (5 post cooldown). These spirits can move through walls in order to perform recon and report back to the user. (This cannot be used for meta gaming). The downside behind the ability is that while it is an easy way to preform recon, the spirits are incapable to influence the world without the user's consent. Not only that the user can in the most literal sense never be alone. These spirits are bound the user and will never leave him/her alone

Outer Lineage:
Name: Heart of Affliction
Description: Emotions fuel you, emotions are what make you powerful and yet, you become just as dangerous as your empowerment. You may be more unstable, you may experience anger and sadness and all that jazz, but you can truly be a weapon of passion. You care for others normally, or you hate others just as equally. You have the heart of afflictions, for your emotions have turned the tides of your fate and the fate of other's. This gives you the power to bring out the emotions of others, to allow them to express themselves more easily. You influence others to care or hate, it all depends on what you feel on the inside. At the same time, of those too heavily afflicted by emotion, you may drain their emotion into your own mind...at a risk of sanity.
Ability: Twice per topic with a 5-post cooldown, you may resist attacks lower than your own power, but only one attack of equal power. This sends you into a blind fit of emotion for the next two posts, calming down afterwards. You may as well, once per topic, bring out the emotional side in all NPC's of equal tier or lower. Higher-tier NPC's may be affected up to one tier higher if used with Haoshoku (not knocking them out). PC's may feel this effect if they wish, for they can be strong-willed at times. The NPC's and PC's affected may possibly side with the user in understanding, entering an emotional fit for one post before all calming down, which could result in betrayal, for the emotion is expressed in truth not lie. The emotions felt are up to the affected, but they may just as well express violence upon the user. For those with this lineage, if they use the effect twice for themselves, their fit will extend to 10 posts where they are just completely irrational. While completely irrational, it may be ended prematurely by someone with this lineage, nulling the emotion, but it tears away the power of the person once had in their emotions for the rest of the topic.  

Writing Sample

Goat Island, a island best known... for its.... something. Kurome didn't know nor did he care. He was only here for one thing, and that was information. Taking a long drag of his cigarette, his eyes peered around the bar. It was the standard hang out for the rough types, both pirate and marine. Though Kurome had very little interest in either, the one he was looking for was neither.

Removing the tobacco stick from his mouth and a puff of smoke left his mouth and rose high into the air. Not long after the smoke left his mouth did he hear the clicking sound come from behind him. Kurome's eyes were drawn behind him where a large man stood. Kurome couldn't make heads or tails of the man, whether he was pirate or marine. In fact he couldn't even discern the man's face, all he knew was that there was a gun up to his head.

"Don't you know its not polite to smoke in a no smoking zone?"

Kurome didn't move, he didn't need to he didn't have time to play with the man. He took another drag of his cigarette and sighed. Man, what he would do for some tea; He could kill for some.

"Don't you know its impolite to pull a gun out on a man without introducing yourself?"

The man clenched his teeth. His finger massaged the trigger and the man's eyes narrowed as he began to contemplate attacking Kurome. Kurome's eye began to float back toward the male standing behind him. His mind raced trying to figure out who was behind him, and how he was going to deal with him.

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2 Re: Kurome Strass on Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:40 pm

I wonder will this ever get looked at

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3 Re: Kurome Strass on Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:27 pm


Alright, Kuro.

Welcome to the site and sorry for the wait, your character's looking good so far but you will have to change your Inner Lineage.

Your Inner Lineage can only be doable as an Outer, not an Inner. So you'll have to come up with something else for that.

Also, just a tip. You can give us a better idea of your character by explaining why he likes, dislikes and fears the things he does.

Gud luck m8 :)


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4 Re: Kurome Strass on Fri Mar 20, 2015 8:54 pm

br>
To add onto what Melody stated.

Code:
[b]Personality:[/b] If Kurome could describe himself in one word, it would be elegant or maybe sophisticated. He is a pretty uptight person when he speaks and he is a bit OCD when it comes to the appearance things around him. He is very perceptive when it comes to things being out of place. He hates dirty and unkempt things which makes it hard for him to get along with others especially if they have a naturally unappealing appearance. He has habit of pointing out even the smallest flaw in one's appearance.

Though once you get past that, he is kind and considerate person who is always willing to give his opinion on a subject. No matter how blunt and crass he maybe he's actually a kind hearted boy who deeply cares for his family and friends and was willing to dub himself as a traitor to protect them. Kurome is a believer in what he dubs as "Equal Justice." This style of justice could be less severe version of Absolute justice. Those who believe in Equal Justice will put forth the same effort in the capture of high profile pirates that they will for lower class criminals. One can consider it on par with Dark Justice in its application but more lax in execution.

On that note Kurome unlike his father, he doesn't understand women or how exactly to speak or act around him. The only advice he ever received about them came from his father, he is meant to have a double standard when it comes to women. Rather then pointing at every little flaw as obviously and harshly as possible, he attempts to be subtle with it but he will fix something if it bothers him enough. Which usually either comes off as him being a pervert, no matter how pure his intention originally was. Sadly he is also horribly dense when it comes to women and their own feelings, causing him to do whatever he pleases; With whomever he pleases.

Kurome has quite a few hobbies, he likes to play the violin, read novels, and drink wine/coffee/tea in the dawn or dusk. He also has quite a few unexpected and could be considered womanly hobbies such as cooking, housekeeping, sewing, knitting.

Some of Kurome's characteristics are confusing, as they are contradicting. It says he is a kind and considerate person, which implies tactful, but he's also a blunt person? This isn't a too big a thing, as it's only one contradiction; however, going further down the app there are a few more inconsistencies. In accordance with your personality, Kurome's subtly with women will contradict his blunt and crass personality. If anything, I would suggest making it a bit more clear that he's subtle only with women--if that's the case. If not? Well, it still needs a fixing.

Code:
[b]Name:[/b]Ancestral Force
[b]Description:[/b] This comes from the lineage of a true nobleman of the Strass family. Within a lineage lacking physical strength, the family survived with their strong will. Those with the Ancestral Force lineage are literally haunted by the spirits of their ancestors. These astral beings follow the holder and provide insight on life and will help them whenever they can.
[b]Effect:[/b] Similar to Might of the Wraith, the user can summon two non-physical ancestral spirits to watch around the user (around 30 meters at most) Twice per thread (5 post cooldown). These spirits can move through walls in order to perform recon and report back to the user. (This cannot be used for meta gaming). The downside behind the ability is that while it is an easy way to preform recon, the spirits are incapable to influence the world without the user's consent. Not only that the user can in the most literal sense never be alone. These spirits are bound the user and will never leave him/her alone

Now, in terms of your Inner Lineage? Typically, you would actually be allowed to have an Inner Lineage on the same level as an Outer Lineage, but you'll have to get rid of your Outer Lineage when that happens. So, simply because your Inner Lineage would only work as an Outer Lineage, it doesn't mean you would have to get rid of it. Just exchange it for the opportunity of having two separate lineages (an outer and an inner). HOWEVER, your Inner Lineage is extremely powerful. There are some vague points to it which can easily be taken advantage of. Not to say that you would do that, but as a rule of thumb it's better to simply prevent the opportunity. What do I mean by that? Firstly, having two spirits that can relay information to you will easily work as multiple viewpoints in combat; that's an edge way fairly strong as is. Additionally, they work as recon entities, capable of going through walls and potentially checking dangers before they're encountered. That's a good ability to have in theory, and not too harmful. Unfortunately, combined with the combat-capabilities make it too powerful. On top of that, the spirits can become tangible, and interact with physical objects. That would enable a three-vs-one situation, regardless of how limited these spirits are. And that would be just by of Kurome's consent.

Code:
[b]Writing Sample[/b]

Goat Island, a island best known... for its.... something. Kurome didn't know nor did he care. He was only here for one thing, and that was information. Taking a long drag of his cigarette, his eyes peered around the bar. It was the standard hang out for the rough types, both pirate and marine. Though Kurome had very little interest in either, the one he was looking for was neither.

Removing the tobacco stick from his mouth and a puff of smoke left his mouth and rose high into the air. Not long after the smoke left his mouth did he hear the clicking sound come from behind him. Kurome's eyes were drawn behind him where a large man stood. Kurome couldn't make heads or tails of the man, whether he was pirate or marine. In fact he couldn't even discern the man's face, all he knew was that there was a gun up to his head.

"Don't you know its not polite to smoke in a no smoking zone?"

Kurome didn't move, he didn't need to he didn't have time to play with the man. He took another drag of his cigarette and sighed. Man, what he would do for some tea; He could kill for some.

"Don't you know its impolite to pull a gun out on a man without introducing yourself?"

The man clenched his teeth. His finger massaged the trigger and the man's eyes narrowed as he began to contemplate attacking Kurome. Kurome's eye began to float back toward the male standing behind him. His mind raced trying to figure out who was behind him, and how he was going to deal with him.

There's not really much of a problem with your writing sample, but I have a few questions about it. First, I'd like to mention that a writing sample is only necessary if you want a Devil Fruit that can be questionable in terms of how powerful it is--typically, a Logia Fruit. You state no fruit you are writing a sample for, so it's hard to judge your writing. Furthermore, if the case is not that you were simply writing a sample just because, there's the problem in that your writing sample has very little relevance to any Fruit whatsoever (which further leads me to believe this Writing Sample was just for the heck of it). Anyways, I'm just asking for a little clarification on this part.

That is all from me. I look forward to seeing any revisions.

Original Post:

Code:
[b]Name:[/b] Kurome Strass
[b]Epithet:[/b] The Noble Silver Lion
[b]Age:[/b] 24
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Race:[/b] Human
[b]Sexuality:[/b] HeteroSexual

[b]Affiliation:[/b] Marine
[b]Occupation:[/b] Monk // Paladin

[center][img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b2/YamatoHotsuin.png[/img][/center]

[b]Appearance:[/b] Kurome is an elegant man with elegant tastes. He can almost always be seen in some sort of formal attire covering his relatively average frame. He stands at 5'10 and weighs around 156lbs. He tends to wear a pair of gloves each one with the marine emblem.
[b]Hair Color:[/b] Silver
[b]Eye Color:[/b] Grey
[b]Skin Tone:[/b] Pale White
[b]Height:[/b] 5'10
[b]Weight:[/b] 156lbs
[b]Tattoo:[/b] On Kurome's back he has a tattoo of a greyhound.

[b]Personality:[/b] If Kurome could describe himself in one word, it would be elegant or maybe sophisticated. He is a pretty uptight person when he speaks and he is a bit OCD when it comes to the appearance things around him. He is very perceptive when it comes to things being out of place. He hates dirty and unkempt things which makes it hard for him to get along with others especially if they have a naturally unappealing appearance. He has habit of pointing out even the smallest flaw in one's appearance.

Though once you get past that, he is kind and considerate person who is always willing to give his opinion on a subject. No matter how blunt and crass he maybe he's actually a kind hearted boy who deeply cares for his family and friends and was willing to dub himself as a traitor to protect them. Kurome is a believer in what he dubs as "Equal Justice." This style of justice could be less severe version of Absolute justice. Those who believe in Equal Justice will put forth the same effort in the capture of high profile pirates that they will for lower class criminals. One can consider it on par with Dark Justice in its application but more lax in execution.

On that note Kurome unlike his father, he doesn't understand women or how exactly to speak or act around him. The only advice he ever received about them came from his father, he is meant to have a double standard when it comes to women. Rather then pointing at every little flaw as obviously and harshly as possible, he attempts to be subtle with it but he will fix something if it bothers him enough. Which usually either comes off as him being a pervert, no matter how pure his intention originally was. Sadly he is also horribly dense when it comes to women and their own feelings, causing him to do whatever he pleases; With whomever he pleases.

Kurome has quite a few hobbies, he likes to play the violin, read novels, and drink wine/coffee/tea in the dawn or dusk. He also has quite a few unexpected and could be considered womanly hobbies such as cooking, housekeeping, sewing, knitting.

[b]Likes:[/b]
Drinking
Cooking
Sewing
Reading
Training
Lolis
Violins
[b]Dislikes:[/b]
Disorder
Liars
Pirates
Law breakers
Random Glomps
[b]Motivations:[/b]
To eliminate the corruption among nobles
Become a powerful marine
Capturing 100 pirates
[b]Fears:[/b]
Losing a comrade
Spiders
Random Bear Attacks
Okamas
Impel Down
[b]Inner Lineage:[/b]

[b]Name:[/b]Ancestral Force
[b]Description: [/b]This comes from the lineage of a true nobleman of the Strass family. Within a lineage lacking physical strength, the family survived with their strong will. Those with the Ancestral Force lineage are literally haunted by the spirits of their ancestors. These astral beings follow the holder and provide insight on life and will help them whenever they can.
[b]Effect:[/b] Similar to Might of the Wraith, the user can summon two non-physical ancestral spirits to watch around the user (around 30 meters at most) Twice per thread (5 post cooldown). These spirits can move through walls in order to perform recon and report back to the user. (This cannot be used for meta gaming). The downside behind the ability is that while it is an easy way to preform recon, the spirits are incapable to influence the world without the user's consent. Not only that the user can in the most literal sense never be alone. These spirits are bound the user and will never leave him/her alone

[b]Outer Lineage:[/b]
Name: Heart of Affliction
Description: Emotions fuel you, emotions are what make you powerful and yet, you become just as dangerous as your empowerment. You may be more unstable, you may experience anger and sadness and all that jazz, but you can truly be a weapon of passion. You care for others normally, or you hate others just as equally. You have the heart of afflictions, for your emotions have turned the tides of your fate and the fate of other's. This gives you the power to bring out the emotions of others, to allow them to express themselves more easily. You influence others to care or hate, it all depends on what you feel on the inside. At the same time, of those too heavily afflicted by emotion, you may drain their emotion into your own mind...at a risk of sanity.
Ability: Twice per topic with a 5-post cooldown, you may resist attacks lower than your own power, but only one attack of equal power. This sends you into a blind fit of emotion for the next two posts, calming down afterwards. You may as well, once per topic, bring out the emotional side in all NPC's of equal tier or lower. Higher-tier NPC's may be affected up to one tier higher if used with Haoshoku (not knocking them out). PC's may feel this effect if they wish, for they can be strong-willed at times. The NPC's and PC's affected may possibly side with the user in understanding, entering an emotional fit for one post before all calming down, which could result in betrayal, for the emotion is expressed in truth not lie. The emotions felt are up to the affected, but they may just as well express violence upon the user. For those with this lineage, if they use the effect twice for themselves, their fit will extend to 10 posts where they are just completely irrational. While completely irrational, it may be ended prematurely by someone with this lineage, nulling the emotion, but it tears away the power of the person once had in their emotions for the rest of the topic.  

[b]Writing Sample[/b]

Goat Island, a island best known... for its.... something. Kurome didn't know nor did he care. He was only here for one thing, and that was information. Taking a long drag of his cigarette, his eyes peered around the bar. It was the standard hang out for  the rough types, both pirate and marine. Though Kurome had very little interest in either, the one he was looking for was neither.

Removing the tobacco stick from his mouth and a puff of smoke left his mouth and rose high into the air. Not long after the smoke left his mouth did he hear the clicking sound come from behind him. Kurome's eyes were drawn behind him where a large man stood. Kurome couldn't make heads or tails of the man, whether he was pirate or marine. In fact he couldn't even discern the man's face, all he knew was that there was a gun up to his head.

"Don't you know its not polite to smoke in a no smoking zone?"

Kurome didn't move, he didn't need to he didn't have time to play with the man. He took another drag of his cigarette and sighed. Man, what he would do for some tea; He could kill for some.

"Don't you know its impolite to pull a gun out on a man without introducing yourself?"

The man clenched his teeth. His finger massaged the trigger and the man's eyes narrowed as he began to contemplate attacking Kurome. Kurome's eye began to float back toward the male standing behind him. His mind raced trying to figure out who was behind him, and how he was going to deal with him.


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